I can only speak for myself when I say that 2020 has not been bad for me, personally. That’s not to say that I haven’t been affected deeply and even traumatized by the way black and brown people have been treated. This pisses me off on a whole nother level but that’s a different post. I can’t claim that as a failure for me personally because while I have always been affected by the deaths of our men, it has always been this way, it’s just been magnified this year. I have always been aware of the evil hiding behind titles and laws that were created to protect the reprobates, male and female alike. So if this were a deterrent from having a good year, I would have never had a good year. I have worked with legislation by trying to change laws but it’s going to take God Himself to change how things are. I haven’t given up hope because that would mean that I gave up on God. All I can do is what He tells me to do and let Him do His job. He’s getting to it.
Also, there are the deaths of beloved celebrities that have touched me in ways that could never compare to their families’ losses. I can’t claim those losses as my own. That would be selfish and narcissistic of me. I can acknowledge that their deaths have touched me and their lives have changed me, but I can’t take that as a personal loss in my actual daily life.
Oh yeah… the pandemic. It’s serious, it’s horrible and unfortunately, some families have lost loved ones to this horrific plague. So for that reason, I can’t ignore this, because it is serious. Again, the truth of the matter is that I have seen the disproportionate care for our health my whole life. I have seen our men suffer from illnesses and not be healed, but “treated” forever. I have witnessed Black women’s health issues be ignored, misdiagnosed or minimized. Black women die three times more than white women in labor, even today. Our babies die more than white babies at an alarming rate. Healthcare has always failed us. For hundreds of years, the maltreatment of Black people in healthcare has been the norm. It’s not right but it’s true. They have literally done studies on Black people and watched us die, recorded the results and pretended like they were treating us. Yet, we still swear by their methods; anywho, that’s another issue altogether. What I’m trying to say is that these are issues that we have always struggled with and we end up making it through to the other side, not unscathed because that’s unrealistic, but we make it through. Please see my post on IG @iampickingupthepieces on how to take control of your healthcare.
This year, I have made a conscious effort to only claim accomplishments and losses that I have experienced first-person. The truth is, the world has always been crumbling around me. I have learned to move forward and upward despite it all. I can’t allow every hurt and pain, loss and gain that isn’t mine to affect me. I would be a mess. So far this year, I have had more accomplishments than I have in a five-year span, not counting my education of course. I got a new job! I have been able to work from home. I have been able to spend more time with my little one. My husband and I have spent more time together. I visited family that I haven’t seen in years. My book was published. I haven’t missed a day of work. My son is getting the help that he needs, finally. I am the healthiest that I have been in ten years and even lost eighty pounds this year. I connected with old friends. I have been able to read more books. I am healing.
I can’t complain about 2020 because God has been good to me. That’s not to say that I have not experienced any losses: I have and it hurts but it did not define me and it did not define my entire year. I choose to speak life into this year. That was a decision that I made long before this pandemic and it has worked. I believe that whatever you focus on grows. Don’t focus on change, change your focus.