The thing with privilege is believing one deserves something that they did not earn or that they have no rights to. What about when you have put in the work, and you have sacrificed for what you have, but you still feel like you don’t deserve it? That’s Imposter Syndrome.
We often pray for things and we want the results, we even work hard and sacrifice so much, but are we always ready to receive the bounty of our blessing?
I can honestly say that I wasn’t ready for some of the blessings God has given me. When I sent my book, Picking Up the Pieces to 100 Broken Promises, to publishers, I did not expect a call back or a response, it was something that I had on my to do list and I did it. When I received a response I had to get ready for my blessing, because I was not prepared. I didn’t mind the work, the long sleepless nights, the constant editing and researching, I didn’t mind the marketing… I wasn’t ready for the blessing. I have worked and fought for everything that I have, including my peace. This year I decided to stay ready, so I wouldn’t have to get ready.
The first thing I did was change the way I talked to myself.
I learned how to advocate for myself, the way that I advocate for others. I began counseling myself the way I counsel others. I began complimenting myself the way that I compliment others.I started speaking life into myself, my looks, my thoughts, my abilities are all worthy of love, respect and blessings. Yes, my looks, I had low self esteem and I was not happy with how I looked. The first example I can remember is growing my natural hair and wanting to love it. It was always such a burden to me and I could never get it to do what other people thought it should do. I tried going natural several times over the past twenty years. This was before YouTube tutorials and the natural hair movement, so I was out of my element. Three years ago I decided to give it a try one more time. I started doing yoga and meditation every morning. During my yoga exercises, I would pat my head and hair and I would repeat, “I love my head and hair,” I moved down to my shoulders, “I love my shoulders” further down,
“I love my belly and my back and arms” all the way down to my feet, “I love my legs and feet.” I did this for over a year, before I realized that it had come true. I did love my hair! I had loc’d it during this time and I enjoyed every stage of it. Even the so-called “ugly stage.” It’s true when they say, “It matters what you think about yourself, more than what others think about you.” When I began loving myself, I started making better choices to take care of myself.
I set healthy boundaries
I had to learn how to put distance between pain and myself. When I started loving myself I realized that no one’s feelings are more important than mine. That was an epiphany to me! I had never had that concept, that I would be worthy of allowing myself the freedom to feel without the consequence of guilt for not putting other people’s feelings first. This doesn’t mean that I stomped on everyone’s opinion or feelings. I continued to respect others, but I require the same respect in return. That’s all. I required an exchange of common courtesy. I required an exchange of kindness and it changed the way people interact with me.
I changed the things I did not like about myself.
I used to complain about being overweight, or as my doctor called it, being morbidly obese. I tried diets and exercise programs, I tried pills and fads and nothing worked. So I decided to work closely with a team of professionals and I lost 100 pounds this year. I needed a team. I used to deal with depression the best that I knew how, changing my diet didn’t work, nor did ignoring it, my life was spiraling out of control. I met with a therapist and a doctor and developed a plan to treat my symptoms of depression. This along with setting boundaries, yoga and meditation/prayer, worked wonders for my overall mental health.
I expected more from people around me.
I am a giver, so naturally I attract takers, but it all changed when I started acknowledging my own worth. I understand that we forge relationships, because of how we make other people feel about themselves when they are in our presence. This is natural, who wants to be around someone that makes them feel bad about themselves? I recognized that my phone calls were from people who wanted my counsel, but they were never available for me. I was the one expected to show up and be available, but no one thought they should do this for me. I can’t blame them, because I didn’t require it of them. I began requiring my friends and loved ones to listen, as well as share. It was that simple. For the ones who were not able to do that, I let them go.
I accepted the responsibility of making myself healthy, happy and whole.
This change was the most valuable one! I realize that I am responsible for healing my hurt, no matter who caused it. Guess what that’s called, forgiveness. I no longer require anyone who hurt me to fix it. I have God and that’s His job. It is a freedom that comes from taking back that power that others had over me. I am so grateful for this realization, and the experience that came from doing. It was in the “doing” that I found healing, and wisdom and freedom. The research was fine, it was needed, but it didn’t heal me. God did that, but He needed me to do my part.
I pray that you feel worthy of every blessing that you receive and that you receive blessings beyond your wildest imagination.